You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
