whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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