So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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