I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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