It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
