You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
