And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
