Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
