i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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