apparently the secret to your success is patron
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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