with your own penis?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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