Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
