I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
