Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
