He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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