tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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