Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
