Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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