But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
