i permit you to call me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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