oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
