so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
