OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
