We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
