Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
