is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
