Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
