I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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