I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
