He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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