i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
