It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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