don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
