I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
