you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize