I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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