Moan for me like Helen Keller
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
