i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My bed smells like the plague
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