Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
