We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
