I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
