i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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