Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
