Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
