I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
