Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
