You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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