My friends, they love my intelligence
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
