I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
