i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
