grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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