Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
