Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
