dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
