woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
