I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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