There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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