ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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