i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just cut my nipple shaving
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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