yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
