he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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