You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she pinky promised me she was 18
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
