at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
