i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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