getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
