i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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