FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
