I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
