forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
