I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
