your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did you just see the Batmobile???
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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