dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
not ubering you a puppy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
