she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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