some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
where are my eyebrows?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
