Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
