the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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