hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
