so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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