he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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