This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
